In order to assure you fit in, we will ask you to talk with us in a series of contrived social exercises. Make sure to be flattering but not obsequious. Don't be anxious and don't flub your words. We will also make you do a series of actions and activities, some of which may be humiliating for some. Don't be humiliated. It's not personal.
Attending a private prep school that costs more than $50,000/year and has a name that sounds like it should be pronounced with a British accent will help you immeasurably, as will being a wealthy international student. The more relatives you have who went to Princeton, the better. If one of your relatives who went to Princeton was an Archi, you're automatically in because that's amazing because we just started it although honestly we're not that surprised because that's the kind of weird shit that our club relies on. (Oh, and remind them to donate!)
If you join an a Capella or dance group, that might help you. Don't join St. A's, though, because their name is too similar to ours. Certain sports teams might help you, but others will doom you. You need to be able to drink in extreme amounts, but not so much that you vomit everywhere and spoil our Italian leather couches--unless you can tell a funny story about it over lunch the next day. If you're hot, that helps. If you're weird, it better be in a perfectly calculated way such that you're quirky without being unsettling. Boring people need not apply.
Our admissions processes are complex and convoluted. Lucky for you, we have admission events happening THIS TUESDAY FROM 8-10 PM AT OUR CLUB AT 5 PROSPECT AVE. COME AT ANY TIME IN THAT WINDOW. WE'LL ONLY NEED YOU FOR 15 MINUTES. (We'll be able to tell about you in that time, don't worry.) ALL CLASS YEARS WELCOME; TRIPLE-BICKERING AND CURRENT CLUB MEMBERS ALSO WELCOME. (It's not like you're likely to make it in, anyway.)
Beyond mandatory attendance at one of these events, you actually need to start preparing for admission to our club long before you arrive at Princeton. Although we clearly cannot give you the specific secrets for admission, we can assure you that they are appropriately exacting such that you will only end up with people good enough to be somewhat like you and graced with social capabilities long in the making.